This entry is a little piece of nonsense because it is Friday night and I am bored, so am inflicting myself on you for something to do. We had a cocktail earlier, then moved on to a rather fine bottle of 2005 Cotes de Duras – glass #2 going down nicely.

Anyway, I was sat here staring into space, thinking about nothing in particular, when I fell to wondering, as I sometimes do, about the striking lack of proper nouns in the French language. For example, how numbers like 70, 80 or 90 don’t have unique names, or how the word “encore” is deemed sufficient to cover “yet”, “more”, “again” and also “still”.

And then suddenly another example occurred to me: bats. The flying, squeaky, nocturnal kind, that is. Perhaps it is because it is nearly Hallow’een. Perhaps it is just the wine. But I digress. So, the French for “bat” is “chauve-souris”. I have known this since I was a small child and like many things you learn as a child, it was something I’d never questioned. Until just now.

“Chauve” means bald. So, the French for “bat” is “bald mouse”. Um…. quoi? I have a major issue with this. First of all, if you will insist on compounding nouns – “thing-that-is-like-this-only-different” – rather than coming up with a new word, at least be logical about it. Bats are in no way bald. They are furry. Much like mice, in fact. This is just a baffling choice of name.

The way I see it, there is one very obvious and major difference between a mouse and a bat, and it has nothing to do with how hirsute it is. Try “flying mouse”, “mouse-with-bloody-great-set-of-wings” or something like that. Better yet, come up with an entirely NEW word. Call them “Les battes”. There, see? It’s not that hard.